A little warning, the words 'realisation'& 'realising' get used alot.. I am not giving it this particular title to suggest a day full of swooning and romance, but more because that is what today is called, and it is the day I am going to talk about. Which was a good one. After dropping Poppy at her pre-prep, half an hour there and back, I gifted myself a budgeted allowance to purchase some plants (oh yes, very exciting. Thrilling I'll say, as there were even rules included). Pot thriving plants only, cheap, and one flowery plant of some sort that is hard to kill. (I asked the man at the counter advice on this.) So I spent $16! Last time I spent over $50, when I was all like 'I'm going to garden in my spare time'. I have managed since then to kill all of those plants:) Today however, I got to plant these herbs and my one designated tough flowering, mini bush that I have been reassured handles neglect very well. And it was a nice little Valentines activity for Elky and I, partaking in our newly scheduled mummy-alone-with-Elk-and-not-your-big-sister-talking-over-you-and-choosing-the-game-then-excluding-us-time. Sam and Elk were left then to multitask, taking charge of the plants and their well-being while they had their midday nap. (Valentines Day; A day of big responsibility). I went to a meeting with a seamstress I have been working with for the last month or so on my garment samples. This is a pretty big deal for me. I am someone who has always done everything myself, and worked things out backwards. Possibly what one may usually refer to as the 'hard way', 'slow route', the 'stubborn' way. So I have handed, or rather shared the reins with someone! And I pat myself on the back with a 'good girl Lucy' for finally doing it. The feeling of contentment and happiness I feel after seeing her, helped me realise how important it is to feel this way in a business relationship, and a personal one too, for that matter. A priority of working with people who you really do get along with, and always leave one with a good feeling on your way home. I don't exactly pride myself in walking away from something that makes me feel the opposite of confident and happy, and not only about who I was as a person, but even what our relationship was or meant. And here I am, in this moment, having a little 'holey moley' moment of realisation. It doesn't always have to be like that. Why would I keep going back to people that don't make me feel like a bright shiny star. Or people that don't allow me feel like I helped them shine, you know, as my contagious reflective beams infected them. People who do want to hang out, even if they have to be equipped at all times with sunglasses and an umbrella. So, I hereby pledge myself in following a relationship formula of " Would you be able to sit in an office/studio all day with this person?" as a fabulous guideline. For business or personal. Sometimes, it may surprise you to know, I have little moments of thinking I am quite of the clever 'switched on' variety. Often those moments of realisation are signified by me realising how 'switched off' I have been. A third person moment. Another nice thing today was that I shared a link of my blog with my best friend. Another big deal really. This being literally the first time I have actually invited someone to read something that came straight from my brain before I edited it completely, stripping it back to some raw barren material to add in after 'how's it going' once a greeting had been made. And she said she liked it:) So of course I spent the rest of the afternoon narrowing down the top three prestigious publishing houses from around the world, to which I should honour with a book of best selling literature material. I will admit, it did make me think, 'I should totally write a book'... But it was nice. I have had fleeting thoughts through out my life about the idea of writing a book or something. DON'T hold me to it. And no, I shan't be sharing with anyone whether I am on the way to famous author hood. I have seen too many examples of 'hows the book coming along ?' to ever be silly enough to mention to everyone that I know that I am currently in the excruciating process of first to final draft of a 600 word "How To" or novel. Not to mention they always ask this question with such oblivion as to how painful it to an artist in mid occasion of writer's block. Simply asking the same as if it be 'Your hair has grown hasn't it?', or 'how's your dog'. Which are both great questions, don't get me wrong. Unless of course you recently Nair'ed yourself by accident, or your dog passed away. Both not funny. Well one, a little. footnote: -Special thanks to Elky for your reassuring response to my questions along the lines of 'do you think mummy can keep these plants alive?' Her saying 'noo' -To Sarah Wilkinson (VP of Design for Nasty Gal, who justified the importants of getting along with someone first and foremost, rather then just what they can do.) -Tina, (Say hi! your on a Blog!) Thank you for being a wonderful infectious shining star. -Sam, for buying me a pretty 'girls only' brush, after you broke my other one on your man beard.x
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Balancing all of the things I care about without making myself into an unapproachable, stressing grouch takes alot of work. It can appear so simple in theory, but when adding 'human tendencies' to that theory it gets a little frail.
By human tendencies I mean the up hill battle of one's self confidence and self doubts, or bodily exhaustion, or mental exhaustion, and stress of course. The first and foremost of my priorities are my girls. If I am doing great at This and That, it doesn't feel good at all if I don't feel like I am keeping with my self-made values as a mother. Usually this is in the form of not feeling present enough. I think I am less concerned about the fact that they might notice, but more because I want to be able to achieve everything. Who doesn't? But I get frustrated and stressed when I can't do everything without it leaking into and sabotaging the other things I care about. Learning to pick up things then put them down to do the next is a goal. That is also where making rules for myself helps. By rules I mean structuring my laziness allowances, or rather, either convincing myself that I am doing what I want, but at the same time giving myself things to accomplish. ie, sure Lucy, you can chill and watch Netflix tonight on the couch! And as an added treat along with that caramelo chocolate in the fridge, bring along that shit load hand sewing you have to complete this week. As a continued strategy from last year, I have been really forcing myself to notice what is happening with my body. For example, if I am feeling like the little tingles of motivation even though it past 8 o'clock and there is still an unasleep child wriggling around next to me... then listen to it and go with it, even though my brain is saying 'but Lucy, you are just rounding up a 15hr day with two energetic girls, go to sleep or just relaaaaax girl'. Hardly ever will I go to sleep. Often I will make myself sit in an uncomfortable position for the hour or so it takes both of my girls to go with sleep. So that if I can't keep my eyes open, when I doze off, my head will flop and I will jerk awake. Yes I am a big meany to my poor sleepy body.. #howiacheivealonetime I will say this, generally 75% of my evening's carrot-infront-of-the-donkey is chick flicks or similar enticements. I am working to change this, without making the evenings too stressful and tiring. Though as I get more and more days this year of the girls going to kindy and preschool, the dynamics will change. I crave strict hours of daylight to achieve goals, rather then, hey do this sometime here, there and tomorrow between then and after that. Something what helps me if I am feeling quite flat is just acknowledging that and not go beating myself up about it. Then saying, 'Yes I am feeling shitty today, so I will rest, then tomorrow I will do it'. Still always keeping an eye out for that little burst of motivation. I guess when starting up a business with a huge commitment already on your hands, one has to be practical. To the health of everyone involved (in other words, when mums go down, the whole crew go down. I will give credit to the excellent floatation device (daddy) , but everyone does still end up a bit wet and hungry...:) ) I don't want to be a career woman. I want to be a wonderful person, who is a mother, a wife and someone who is achieving whatever she wants to. |
AuthorCalming a chaotic mind. Archives
September 2018
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